Let's face it, planes are obsessed with being boats. Cabin, crew, (air)port - most of the terms about them are nautical. This is despite the #2 rule of flying being “avoid the sea.” (#1 rule is “avoid the land.”) The
roles on planes always also take their names from the equivalent on ships: Captain, first officer, steward(ess). Thus the
head of the steward(esse)s is called the purser, as it is on passenger ships, referring
to this being the person who keeps track of the money or holds the purse. Not
because of how they hold their lips.
The purser on this flight gave the safety rigmarole in the
style of a man seducing a woman in a 1960s British comedy. Which made us, the
passengers, buxom secretaries. (As 50% of women were in 1960s British comedies.
The rest were buxom housewives.)
It is as if what he is saying is all innuendo. But in fact
it’s the same stuff you get told every time a plane is about taxi to the
runway. He was audibly winking. That is you could hear the equivalent of a wink in
his voice, not that his eyelids made a noise you could hear over the intercom.
That would be have been weird, but somehow pretty entertaining.
“The life vest can be topped up using the mouthpiece
provided.” *short creak followed by impossibly loud squish of eyelids
colliding*
Seduction over, the passengers giggled girlishly. Or at
least adjusted their seatbelts. It was time for the plane to hit the sky.
Although, this time the sky hit back with the sky’s favourite prank,
turbulence.
Turbulence is a great word. It usually makes me think of
super-fast ambulance from some ancient TV serial. "Now, Turbu-lance! In color!"
